In The National Interest.

I was delighted to hear that David Cameron (our Prime Minister, married) has decided to give people tax breaks if they are married.
Even though we're in a financial emergency so severe it apparently justifies slashing benefits, closing services, and introducing regressive VAT hikes, it really is important that we make a point of giving a chunk of our wages to people lucky enough to be living in matrimonial bliss.

In the National Interest, I've come up with some other good ideas for tax breaks he might like to consider.



TAX BREAKS FOR THE TALL
It's been proved time and time again that tall people do better in life- they get the promotions, they impress at parties, and they drive our economy. It's about time they got rewarded for this.
They've been taking up the slack for dwarfish drunks like Dennis Wise for long enough.

This might have to be limited to those between six foot three and six foot five however, we want to encourage suave, golden age of Hollywood height, not overly tall gangliness as advocated by Peter Crouch or that Chinese fellow in the NBA.


TAX BREAKS FOR THE OTHERWORLDLY BEAUTIFUL
They make you feel good. They even smell nice. They'd never ask, but they really do deserve some of your wages.


TAX BREAKS FOR PARENTS WHO DRESS THEIR CHILDREN IN A CUTE MATCHY-BUT-NOT-IDENTICAL-EXACTLY WAY
Aw. Her bunny dungarees go perfectly with his chick romper suit!
These children are more stable, happier, and grow up to contribute the most to our country. Let them be honoured. Let them be honoured by, ooh, I don't know, £3-something a week.




Tsk.
Cameron.
Idiot.